I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
