I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
