Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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