please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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