I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dick has a subreddit
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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