just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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