Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
