I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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