just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
