my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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