My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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