hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
