are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
