Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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