All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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