She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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