I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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