A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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