i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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