i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
foreskin is a definite game changer
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
