It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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