Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
