a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
