Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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