i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
