I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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