I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize