I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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