Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize