she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
