Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
ttyl tear gas
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
