What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
