Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
