I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
