when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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