According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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