Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
