You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
