also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
