I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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