Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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