Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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