i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
