idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Mom said you looked used
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
