I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize