East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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