on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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