It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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