you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
