help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
