3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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