And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
