hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
