Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
