Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
