The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize