I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize