I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
