My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
