hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
