So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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