Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
