Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
