The maid of honor just puked.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
