I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
