We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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