right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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