I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
