Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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