so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
